Related:

• WYMI - the all-philosophy radio station.
• Five-Minute University teaches you in five minutes what the average college student remembers five years after he or she's out of school .
  .. Say, if you want to take Spanish, what I teach you is "Como esta usted....
• I woke up this morning, and I realized that somebody had broken into my apartment, stolen all my things and replaced them with exact duplicates.
  I asked my roommate if he noticed anything, and he said, 'Who are you?...
• Dave: So I was working in an insurance company, right?
  Youngest VP in the history of the firm, okay?...
• Marge: Lisa, your father and I are very concerned about this warning.
  I really hope you try harder. Homer: Whew!...
• One morning, four years ago, something happened that I will never forget.
  I woke up, and I looked at myself in the mirror, because I happened to wake up in the bathroom, and I said to myself, "Dave, you have a wonderful wife, you have a newborn son, you have a good job, you have friends who care about you, you have a lawn mower that starts on the second or third pull--you have everything a man could possibly want, and a whole lifetime ahead of you to enjoy it in....
• Selma: Sorry, my mind's made up. Patty: Why do you want to have a baby so bad?
  Selma: I got a lot of love to give, and right now my only outlet is my ham radio....
• Moe: You are absolutely, positively, the dumbest haunted love tester that I have ever met!
  [pounds on Grampa] Betty: [walks in] What is going on in here?...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...