I Woke Up This Morning, And I Realized That Somebody Had Broken Into My Apartment, Stolen All My Things And Replaced Them With Exact Duplicates.

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"I woke up this morning, and I realized that somebody had broken into my
apartment, stolen all my things and replaced them with exact duplicates.
I asked my roommate if he noticed anything, and he said, 'Who are you?'"
"The other day I.... No, that wasn't me."
"My friend Bob is a radio DJ, and when he walks under a bridge, you can't hear
him talk."
"My father built a quicksand box in our back yard. I was an only child,
-- comedian Steven Wright