Related:

• My hard disk went on a diet. Lost all its FAT!
• A five-year-old kid raised his hand at school. The teacher declined to let him leave the room.
  Five minutes later she reversed herself. She said, "All right, Sonny, you may go now....
• My parents went to Niagara Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
• My parents went to Niagra Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
• Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
  -- George Bu...
• I went to the doctor last week. He told me to take all my clothes off.
  Then he said, "You'll have to diet." I said, "What color?" -- Ken Dodd...
• Donut man: Hey, what gives? These donuts are piling up.
  Worker: Heh. Yeah, Homer Simpson went on a diet....
• When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving.
  He said it was elevator practice. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *horrifying* 20 minutes of my life!