Related:

• I went up to the salesgirl. I said, "I'd like to see something cheap in a man's suit.
  She said, "The mirror's on the left." -- Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)...
• I had a brand-new Mercury. I loaned it to my brother last week.
  I said, "Treat it as if it was your own." He sold it. -- Jimmy Edmondson (Professor Backwards)...
• When I walked into the supermarket the manager got a grocery cart for me.
  I said, "Why do you always give me a cart with a squeaky wheel?...
• I came down from Jacksonville on a train that was the slowest train I'd ever been on.
  I said to the conductor, "Can't you run any faster?...
• I was in the store the other day and a salesperson came up to me and said, "Can I help you?
  I said, "Yea, give me what I need." She said, "I don't know what you need" I said, "You started it....
• I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5." He said,"What you need is to grow up, son.
  I said,"Growin' up leads to growin' old, And then to dying, and to me that don't sound like much fun....
• I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor.
  The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?" -- Emo Phillip...
• I was walking down Madison Avenue and I saw a very good-looking tie in a shop window.
  So I went in. Before I could say anything the manager said, "Oh, Tony Randall!...
• He was a little "off" I think is the term ... One day he said to me, "I'm gonna fly.
  I said, "I believe ya can, Maynard, I've seen ya do a lot of wild things....