Related:

• I washed mud, off of mud. -- Steven Wrigh
• I took a baby shower. -- Steven Wrigh
• While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom.
  They put it in EXACTLY the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said...
• I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them.
  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet. -- Steven Wrigh
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.
  -- [Imitation] Steven Wrigh...
• My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour.
  I said, "the whole time." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was skydiving horizontally. -- Steven Wrigh