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• I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them.
  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around.
  I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face....
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Steven Wrigh...
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• I acquired my contact lenses a day or two later and they worked superbly.
  To insert them was but the work of a moment: all I had to do was pry open my eyes with a buttonhook, force the lenses in, and gulp as though swallowing a Chincoteague oyster....
• I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. -- Steven Wrigh
• The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys.
  But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it....
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I was walking down the street and all of a sudden the prescription for my eye-glasses ran out.
  -- Steven Wrigh...