Related:

• When you ask for a ballpark estimate on the cost of repairing the car, it is a bad omen when the mechanic falls to the floor in hysterical laughter.
• You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when your wife says, "Good morning, Bill," and your name is George.
• No matter how friendly you would like to be, it is not a good idea to shake hands with the mechanic, just after he comes from under the car.
• One pill makes you larger And if you go chasing rabbits And, one pill makes you small.
  And you know you're going to fall. And the ones that mother gives you, Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar Don't do anything at all....
• Marge: Homie, maybe we should go inside. Homer: But, Marge, that little guy hasn't done anything yet.
  Look at him. [the man in white suit stands still amidst the fight] He's going to do something and you know it's going to be good....
• You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.
  Also, he has severe diarrhea....
• You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.
  Also, he has severe diarrhea. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small, and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all.
  Go ask Alice when she's ten feet tall. -- Jefferson Airplane...
• You can't teach seven foot.