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• You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad.
  Also, he has severe diarrhea....
• Marge: What makes you think this Darryl Strawberry character is better than you?
  Homer: Marge, forget it. He's bigger than me, faster than me, stronger than me, and he already has more friends around the plant than I do....
• aga n. [WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken people.
  Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy L....
• Grimes: God, he eats like a pig. Lenny: I dunno.
  Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck....
• Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger.
  He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure....
• I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• What they said: What they meant: "I recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.
  (Yes, that about sums it up.) "The amount of mathematics she knows will surprise you....
• Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
  (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President....
• Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
  (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President....