Related:

• Breast feeding is popular now. It wasn't when I was growing up.
  In high school, my mom caught me with an inflatable sex doll....
• I was perfect--and then my parents got hold of me.
• I think the reason my parents didn't like me is I was not a good-looking kid.
  My whole family was embarrassed, they didn't want me to be seen ....
• I went sightseeing in Windsor, Canada. As I was leaving, they asked me if I had anything to declare.
  I said, "Yeah, I'm glad I don't live here!" -- Jeff Shaw...
• My grandfather told me that there are no free rides in this world.
  This is why I do not take federal grants of funding for Westside Preparatory School....
• I was a war baby. My parents took a look at me and started fighting.
• I read in Cosmo that women like to have whipped cream sprayed over their breasts.
  Unfortunately, my girlfriend has silicone implants. So I use non-dairy topping. -- Jeff Shaw...
• When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. Whenever she was in a good mood, it turned blue.
  Whenever she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark in the middle of my forehead....
• Lisa: I was in the library at the time, but Janey told me that Principal Skinner and Bart's teacher, Mrs.
  what's her name? Marge: Krabappel?...