Related:

• Burns: [grabbing paper] "Memorandum to Mrs. Bouvier, re
  Delineation of Romantic Intentions" -- pfft, too sappy....
• In high school my parents told me I ran with the wrong crowd. I was a loner. -- Jeff Shaw
• I don't expect it to read my mind; that's why I've got a girlfriend.
• Just as I cannot remember any time when I could not read and write, I cannot remember any time when I did not exercise my imagination in daydreams about women.
  -- G.B. Shaw...
• My girlfriend and I fell in love with another woman over the phone.
• When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.
  I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now....
• I'd love to, but... I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
  -- 17 of 101 Easy Ways To Say NO...
• My girlfriend got crabs so I bought her fishnet stockings.
• My girlfriend wanted to see the world, so I bought her an atlas.