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• My brothers and sisters all hated me, 'cause I was an only child. -- "Weird" Al Yankovic
• Money can't buy happiness, so I guess I'll have to rent it. -- "Weird" Al Yankovic
• I want a new duck. -- Weird Al
• The bank called to tell me that I'm overdrawn, Some freaks are burning crosses out on my front lawn, And I *can't*believe* it, all the Cheetos are gone, It's just ONE OF THOSE DAYS!
  -- Weird Al Yankovic, "One of Those Day...
• My purpose in life is to slam a stapler against the forehead of American pop culture.
  -- Weird Al Yankovic...
• I woke up this morning... then I went back to bed... -- Weird Al _Generic Blues_
• Better dead than mellow.
• He's dead? I thought he was imitating Al Gore.