Related:

• You can try to leave a message, but my spirit screens its call
• Fairly boring message:) This is John. I can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message at the tone, I'll return your call.
  (Now, re-record the message every morning. Frequent callers will notice that something sounds different, but will be confused since the words are exactly the same....
• You can stop reading now, I've finished my message.
• Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring.
  Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1....
• You use unfamiliar words -- please re-phrase it, or try something else.
• Voice 1: Gee, Dave, what do you feel like doing tonight?
  Voice 2: Same thing we do every night, Rob... Try to take over the world!...
• Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now.
  However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you....
• I wired my dryer backwards, now it spits out extra socks.
• If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone.
  Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message....