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• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain.
  When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?
  ' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' -- Steven Wrigh...
• I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches. -- Steven Wrigh
• In bed the other night my girlfriend asked "if you could know exactly when and where you would die, would you want to?
  I said "no". She said, "ok, then forget it". -- Steven Wrigh...
• Called a blind date to set up a meeting at a restaurant.
  I said, "I'll be the one driving the Mercedes and wearing a Rolex....
• Well, we're big rock singers, we've got golden fingers, And we're loved everywhere we go.
  We sing about beauty, and we sing about truth, At ten thousand dollars a show....
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...