Related:

• My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My house is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street, except the little kids, I go out and lift my house up over my head.
  I tell them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them. -- Steven Wrigh...
• My girlfriend and I went on a picnic. I don't know how she did it, but she got poison ivy on the brain.
  When it itched, the only way she could scratch it was to think about sandpaper. -- Steven Wrigh...
• In bed the other night my girlfriend asked "if you could know exactly when and where you would die, would you want to?
  I said "no". She said, "ok, then forget it". -- Steven Wrigh...
• When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.
  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes." -- Steven Wrigh...
• I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it's going to be up all night.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means it's going to be up all night.
  -- Steven Wrigh...