Related:

• I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant.
  It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see....
• If you had a penny and you were on top of the Empire State Building, and you took that penny and threw it off the Empire State Building and it hit somebody in the head, it would kill him.
  Talk about getting your money's worth. -- Heywood Bank...
• You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea?
  Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don't even care, do you....
• People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
  What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair....
• Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?
  ! -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon.
  But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, ``Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT....
• Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
  -- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...
• Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies?
  One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars....