Related:

• If flattery gets you nowhere, try bribery.
• My friend Lance would call me up. He goes, "Bob ...
  he first guy that gets your daughter--wouldn't that freak you out?...
• I have peppered two of them: two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits.
  I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face...
• My first psychiatrist said I was paranoid, but I want a second opinion because I think he's out to get me.
  -- Tom Wilson ("Ziggy")...
• Marley: You mind if I say a few words? Burns: Oh, me-me-me, "I want all the attention because it's &l
  my> party", eh? -- Will the honored guest please shut up, "Marge Gets a Job...
• I love life and life loves me, I'm as happy as I can be.
  A happier man nowhere exits, I think I'll go and slash my wrists....
• Get off my tail, because shit happens. -- Rumper sticker on a horse
• Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring.
  Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1....
• I was walking down 126th Street on my way to work. Met a fella.
  He said, "Moms, I hate this, I really hate this, but, Moms, gimme some money!...