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• I woke up and started folding my bed back into a couch and almost broke both my arms, because it's not one of those beds!
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• I broke my arm trying to hold open a revolving door for a girl.
• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. -- Steven Wrigh
• I had my coathangers spayed. -- Steven Wrigh
• I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• In bed the other night my girlfriend asked "if you could know exactly when and where you would die, would you want to?
  I said "no". She said, "ok, then forget it". -- Steven Wrigh...
• I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one.
  It wasn't doing what I was doing. I tried to DRAW my shadow once, but I couldn't ....
• My views on evolution? I think Darwin was adopted. -- Steven Wright.
• I bought some land that was kind of cheap. It was on someone else's property. -- Steven Wrigh