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• Marge: Welcome to Pretzel Wagon. May I take your order?
  Lenny: [hesitating] Uh, let's see. I'll have... one, uh....
• Carl: Hey, Homer, are you sure it's OK to smoke Cuban cigars and gamble here now that your wife's a cop?
  Homer: Are you kidding? Being a cop husband is one mighty sweet deal!...
• Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
• Monica: Please tell me you_re stopping now. Pete: I_m fine!
  I'd fight tonight, if they_d let me. [stands up and starts swinging his arms] See this circle I'm marking off here?...
• Sally: C'mon, Ted, all I'm asking you to do is share your feelings with me.
  Ted: ALL? Do you realize what you're asking? Men aren't trained to share....
• Call me back so I can hang up on you!
• Chicagoan: "So, where're you from?" Hoosier: "What's wrong with Indiana?
• If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat.
  Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection?...
• Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in Halstead, Kansas.