Related:

• When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins.
  Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic....
• I have a dog; I named him Stay. So when I'd go to call him, I'd say, "Here, Stay, here.
  .." but he got wise to that. Now when I call him he ignores me and just keeps on typing....
• I have a friend whose a billionaire. He invented Cliff's notes.
  When I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I....
• I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took and to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• When I have a kid, I want to buy a twin-stroller and put him in one side, and then reply when he's old enough to ask "You had a brother, but he was bad.
• I had a friend who was a clown... when he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
  .. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• Willy: {Spill it! Where's your brother?} Skinner: {You'd better answer him, Lisa.
  He's a bad man. [Lisa giggles] What are you laughing about?...