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• Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
• Why can't you take a turkey to church? Because they use such FOWL language
• Q. Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? A. To hatchet.
• Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off.
• Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumstick
• Some simple truths of life by George Carlin... 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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• Why did the Police take the 911 emergency number off the back of their cars?
  The Mexicans kept stealing them thinking they were Porsche'...