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• Language makes my vowels move...
• You can have peace. Or you can have freedom: LL
• KFC and the Pope After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
  The Pope says, "What can I do?" The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'....
• PAINT IT LIKE A COW The Fair. I hadn’t been to one of these
  “regional events, held annually, consisting of farm and home product displays, and various competitions and entertainments,” since childhood....
• There was a young lady from Cue Who filled her vagina with glue.
  She said with a grin, "If they pay to get in, They`ll pay to get out of it too....
• How can you tell when your lawyer is lying? His lips move.
• YOU KNOW YOU NEED AN UPGRADE... if your sons Scientific Calculator can out-perform your PC when doing complex math if you discover that the newest communications software doesn't support your 300 baud modem if your age is higher than your RAM if the only sound you can make on your computer is the hard drive spinning if you have to look for a new computer supplier because your current favorite just stopped handling 8" floppy disks if your monochome monitor has the words MS DOS Version 1.
• You Know You've Been Online Too Long When... ** Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
  ** When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point....
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....