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• Hello....Incontinence Hotline....Can you Hold
• Hello, Suicide Hotline, Please Hold..
• Great way to answer the telephone: "Hello, Incontinence Clinic. Please hold ...
• Use a strong east Indian accent) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of (.
  ..). I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you whenthe stars align properly....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
  If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you....
• Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls.
  Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone....
• Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?
• Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?