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• Blame your maker or blame yourself, but don't blame me!
• Staple Your Way To Success.
• Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
• Measure of Success... At age 4, success is . . . Not peeing your pants At age 12, success is .
  . . Having friends. At age 20, success is . . . Having sex....
• Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are horny and will screw you next.
  What is the difference between Bike and a women?...
• THE MARRIED LIFE You know what I did before I married?
  Anything I wanted to. -- Henny Youngman The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it....
• 18 UNNATURAL LAWS 1. O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN Clenliness is next to impossible.
  2. LIEBERMAN'S LAW Everybody lies; but it doesn' matter, since nobody listens....