THE MARRIED LIFE You know what I did before I married?

THE MARRIED LIFE
You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
-- Henny Youngman
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps
they're too old to do it.
-- Ann Bancroft
Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is
talking about either a law firm or a hand of
bridge. -- Bill Cosby
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
-- Benjamin Franklin
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
-- Elaine Boosler
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the
carburetor." I said,
"Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
-- Rita Rudner
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a
quarter of a century for their secret for
success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago,
I forgave my husband for not being Paul
Newman.
-- Erma Bombeck