Related:

• A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account.
  The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars....
• This big guy (and I mean *really* big) is sitting in his local pub, having a beer when this little guy comes running in.
  Quick, quick", he says, "there's a guy in bed with your wife!...
• When I was taking a 300 level computer science class in college there was a girl in the class that was a good friend of mine
  he was one of those people that was accademiclly briliant with zero common scence....
• A man was very shy, and couldn't speak to more than two people at a time without getting nervous.
  His boss and wife both suggested that he take an Andrew Carnegie course....
• A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket.
  Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide....
• Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.
  After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up....
• What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... Chain Saw
  ( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off....
• Letter to the Bank Manager Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
  By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it....
• THE DARWIN AWARDS Date: December,1997 The Darwin Award is made each year to the person who has managed to kill themselves (and therefore prevent the survival of their genes - hence Darwin!
  ) in the most bizarre way imaginable. Previous winners have included the man killed when the vending machine he was trying to extract a can of Coke from fell on him, and last years aviator who strapped a JATO module (rocket) to his car and lit the blue touchpaper....