Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them,
shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...
And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him
to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...
Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps...
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that
destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly
installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year,
" said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new
And for the Main Course...
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2
cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money
in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up and grabbed him
. Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?!
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police
station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked
officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed
had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a
6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had
stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Have I Got a Deal for You!
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to
pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to the
Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told to spend their "next
vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts.
Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian
sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the
moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running this scam
made off with over six million dollars...
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college
degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads
out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have
Did I Say That?!
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man
shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Ouch, That Smarts!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack
designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber
apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running
out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police
spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants."
Police have the man's charred trousers in custody...
Are We Not Communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...