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• God came down to the Pope and said to him, "JP, you have been a good pope and so I am going to reward you with three wishes.
  Stunned, the Pope said, "First of all, I would like the world to end it's petty bickering about religion and be united under one religion....
• Act like a dumbass and they'll treat you as an equal...
• The fireman told his wife, "From now on we're going to do things right - by the bells, like we do it at the firehouse.
  When I ring one bell, you meet me at the door with a kiss....
• Computer Geeks Unite! ..Are you STILL a computer geek?
  Ok, so you lucked out last time - you were about as socially adjusted as a onion and jelly sandwhich, BUT YOU MIGHT HAVE CHANGED!...
• WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "I'm going fishing.
  Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety....
• 48pt) ME? A GREAT LEADER? (12 pt) "ME, START A VANGUARD PARTY TO LEAD THE WORKING CLASS TO REVOLUTION?
  YOU MUST BE KIDDING!" JUST IMAGINE BEING A RESPECTED AND BELOVED FATHERLY LEADER UNDER WHOSE WISE GUIDANCE THE REVOLUTIONARY MASSES WILL FORGE AHEAD DAILY WITH THE FIERY ZEAL OF A "SPEED-UP" CAMPAIGN!...
• The 3 bears The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court.
  Momma and Poppa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with....
• Greeting Cards That Were Rejected By Halmark: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonde
  ... -- What was I thinking?" "Congratulations on your wedding day!...
• A guy dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him warmly at the gates of Hell, and they enter a long coridor.
  As they walk along, the Devil explains, " Now that you're in Hell, you must choose the manner in which you must spend all eternity....