Usually, everyone who has a dog either calls it 'Rover' or 'Fifi' or some-
thing. I called mine 'Sex.' Well, 'Sex' is a very embarrassing name. One
day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking
for that dog. A cop came along and asked me what I was doing in this alley
at 4:00 A.M. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." My case comes up next Thursday.
One day I went to city Hall to get a dog licence for Sex. The clerk asked
me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like
to have one, too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." And he said, "I don't
care how she looks." Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since
I was two years old." He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have
Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said,
"But Sex is a big part of my life - my whole lifestyle revolves around
Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not
marry us in his church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would
enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the
Peace. My family is barred from the church.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked
into the motel I told the clerk, "I want a room for my wife and a special
room for Sex." The clerk said, "Every room in the motel is for Sex." Then
I said, "You don't understand- Sex keeps me awake at night." And the clerk
said, "Me, too." One day I told my friend that I had Sex on T.V. He said,
"Show-off." I told him it was a contest and he told me I should have sold
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the
dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." And the Judge
said. "Me, too." When I told him that after I was married Sex left me,
he said, "Me, too." Well, now I've been thrown in jail, been married,
divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why
just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist
and she said, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex died and left
my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely." The doctor
said, "Look. You and I both know that Sex isn't man's best friend - So
GET YOURSELF A DOG!"