Saddam Hussein's Top Ten Birthday Activities
(Late Night With David Letterman - 4/30/91)
10. Pose for snapshot with moustache-shaped cake.
9. Admire trophy from staff inscribed "World's Greatest
Dictator".
8. Get photos of visit to Kuwait back from Fotomat.
7. Get birthday wish from fat weather guy on Iraqi Today
Show.
6. Strip-O-Gram from Khadafy where girl takes off veil only.
5. Go to T.G.I.Friday's; show driver's license: get free
order of Buffalo wings.
4. Suck helium out of balloons: issue execution orders in
high squeaky voice.
3. Shower. {Odd birthdays only.}
2. Hide in bunker in case U.S. Air Force decides to give him
another "surprise party".
1. Take off pants; pretend he's Ted Kennedy.
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while hen leave to chat
with a college drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a dancer -6
Tiffany has implants -8
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly +1
When mingling, you introduce her as "the old ball and chain"
and pat her on the rump -5
When she points out a hot-looking woman and asks if you think
she's pretty, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as pretty as you" +1
When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's pretty, you say,
"Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in bed" -6
That woman is her sister -90
You have one drink, and that's it 0
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle....
