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You have reached (recites number here). No one is available to speak with you right now because we either are not here or don't feel like picking up the phone.

"You have reached (recites number here). No one is available to speak
with you right now because we either are not here or don't feel like
picking up the phone.
If you are a burglar, we have two hungy dobermans downstairs for your
convenience."

Related:

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