Related:

• Thank you for calling XXX-XXXX. If you wish to speak to Tim push 1 on your touch tone phone now.
  If you wish to speak to Lynn push 2 on your touch tone phone now....
• From Sourcebook Magazine, Summer 1990, by Dan Gutma
  Would the invention of the telephone ever have gotten off the ground if Alexander Graham Bell's first call had gone ....
• Pizza Pranks 1. Press random numbers while giving order (touch-tone phone), and ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
  2. Tell the order taker that you have a rival pizza place on the other line, and you're going with the lowest bidder....
• At the sound of the tone, you will be charged $10 for the first minute and $
  2 for each additional minute. Please leave your name, phone number and a message....
• You have reached (recites number here). No one is available to speak with you right now because we either are not here or don't feel like picking up the phone.
  If you are a burglar, we have two hungy dobermans downstairs for your convenience....
• Calling Technical Support.... Ring... Ring... Ring.
  .. Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring....
• Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... E
  o diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• Embarrassing moments The following are the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in New Woman Magazine.
  1)"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok....