Related:

• The End of Life The strangest thing about life is the way it ends.
  I mean life is tough. It takes a lot of your time....
• Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button -Water your dog.
  ..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house....
• You Know You're A Horse Person When... - You are totally grossed out by human hair in the sink or tub, but don't mind horse hair in your washer, on your clothes, in your food.
  .. - You know you're a horse AND dog person when you don't mind throwing frozen manure balls for the barn's goldie to fetch!...
• Signs of Aging Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
  The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals....
• When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
• Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
  A: A piece of ass that makes your eyes water....
• Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with an M&M? A: A cock that won't melt in your hand.
• Q: What do you get when you cross a hooker with a piranha? A: Your last blowjob.