Related:

• Tis the Season - Swimsuit Time I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing costume.
  When I was a child in the 1950's, the bathing costume for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure - boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered....
• The Night Before Christmas According to Moms It was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
  The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds, While visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads....
• Because I'm A Man... ** Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
  ** Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at....
• She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
  He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?...
• Classic Quotes "I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, You'll never find anyone like me again.
  I'm thinking, I should hope not. If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?...
• A woman from the south was attending a social gathering up north and tried striking up a conversation .
  .. "Where're you all from?" she asked to a group of ladies....
• Various Nights Before Christmas... A Microsoft Christmas 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
  The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping....
• The responses below mention the following works (a few added)
  A Random Walk in Science - R.L. Weber and E. Mendoza More Random Walks In Science - R....
• She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
  He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?...