Greeting Cards That Were Rejected By Halmark:
"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:...
-- What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day!...
-- Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you....
-- have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...
-- After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
-- that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...
-- Like the need for therapy."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...
-- I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Before you go,...
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
-- You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married...
-- but not to you."
"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...
-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend...
-- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
"We have been friends for a very long time...
-- What do you say we call it quits?"
"I'm so miserable without you...
-- It's almost like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
-- Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket...
-- I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
"Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder:...
-- What was I thinking?"
"Congratulations on your wedding day!...
-- Too bad no one likes your wife."
"How could two people as beautiful you....
-- have such an ugly baby?"
"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love...
-- After having met you, I've changed my mind."
"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...
-- I never believed in Hell until I met you."
"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
-- that you're not here to ruin it for me."
"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me...
-- Like the need for therapy."
"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!...
-- I never knew what evil was before this!"
"Before you go,...
I would like you to take this knife out of my back.
-- You'll probably need it again."
"Someday I hope to get married...
-- but not to you."
"You look great for your age...
-- Almost Lifelike!"
"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me...
-- Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend...
-- So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
"We have been friends for a very long time...
-- What do you say we call it quits?"
"I'm so miserable without you...
-- It's almost like you're here."
"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
-- Did you ever find out who the father was?"
"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket...
-- I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."
Related:
- Things you won't see on Hallmark cards:
OUTSIDE: As the days go by,
I think of how lucky I am INSIDE: that you're not here... - Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to watmath!looking!funny .
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I... - A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the
bartender,
"I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend... - She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite... - ALIEN ZOMBIE & THE CONGO LIZARDS
You’re in luck.
As my luck would have it,
I made my bones in a musical family. Grandpop slapped... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<<<
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while... - The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah... - First Date Advice
Things Not To Say On A First Date:
1. "This is my apartment, but don't break anything... - Federal Aviation Administration,
Washington, D.C.
Gentlemen:
I was asked to make a written statement concerning...
From the same category:
- The Wrong Answer
Young man Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based
in Dublin.
An American applied for the same job and both applicants... - You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." "You guys
line up alphabetically by height." -
Bill Peterson, former Florida State football coach... - Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna
And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor?
November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The... - When I was in London several months ago, I was staying in a hotel that is
well known for its great service.
Anyway, we got back from the theater one night at... - ANOTHER WAR STORY
A WW II American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three
months when he was finally given a week of R&R.
He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south...
