First Date Advice Things Not To Say On A First Date

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First Date Advice

Things Not To Say On A First Date:

1. "This is my apartment, but don't break anything, or you'll have
to pay for it."

2. "Here, have a tic-tac. Please."

3. (To the waitress) "Could I have your phone number?"

4. "Before we go back to my place, you're not afraid of, snakes,
are you?"

5. "I really had a good time tonight, uh, um, what the hell was
your name again?"

6. "Hey, check out the babe sittin' in the corner. Wow, what a

7. "What? Oh, I thought you were paying."

8. "Nice dress. I have one at home just like it."

9. "So my hand slipped, and the knife cut about half an inch into
my thumb, and the blood was gushing all over the place, so I
went to the emergency room to have it stitched up, but it kept
throbbing, and swelling, and, oh, but I see you're eating."

10. "I want to move out, but my mom really needs me. And, who else
is gonna make my lunch? And my bed? And clean my room?"

11. "No, I don't have a job. I spend all my time in the basement.
I'm building a submarine."

12. (Looking at her plate) "Are you going to finish that?"

13. "The mother ship will be returning next June. Then I'll be
leaving for Neptune. Hey, here's a thought. You should come
with me!"

14. "My old girlfriend, Lisa, was so beautiful. She looked kind of
like you. I used to bring her here all the time. Do you mind
if I call you Lisa?"

15. "Well, I don't go out in public all too often. And I don't
like to be touched, so don't touch me. And try not to stare
at me. And let me know if anybody else is staring at me."

16. "I'm gonna do it. I bought a gun. I've got bullets. Just
wait. My boss'll be yellin' at me, and then, BLAM!"

17. "As soon as I saw you, I knew you'd go out with me. I said to
myself, 'There's someone who looks desperate enough.'"

18. "Does this look like ringworm to you?"

19. "Hurry up and eat, because we've got to get home in time for
'Star Trek.'"

20. "No, I'm not really a doctor. I just pretend that I am so I
can pick up women."

21. "We don't need a cab. We can walk. It's only eighteen

22. "Do you like this shirt? Me too. I wear it every day."

23. "I'm not afraid of anything. Except heights. And confinement.
And dogs, and cats, and really scary clowns. And the old lady
down the street, and..."

24. "Could you drive me to the airport next week? And I'm going to
be moving next month, and I could use some help. Also, I've
been thinking about painting my garage. Are you any good at

25. "Have you thought about getting a Thigh-master? What about
that Ultra Slim-fast, have you tried that?"

26. "I've never been on a date here before. I usually just come
here with the guys after we go to the mud-wrestling

27. "Hey, look at that guy. What's he eating? And look at that
other guy. I wonder if he's gonna leave a tip? Look at those
people. What do you think they're talking about? Ooh! That
guy just spilled something!"

28. "I lost my job about a week after my father died. Then my wife
left me. Then my dog got hit by a car. A couple days later,
the landlord sent me an eviction notice. I hope I'm not
depressing you, because I really am a fun guy. So anyway, now
my neighbor is suing me in a property dispute, and...."

29. "No, the fries are only half-price if you get the burger AND
the milkshake! What the hell's the matter with you?! Can't
you read?! Are you stupid?!"

30. "Oh, God, it's eleven o'clock! I've got to get home before my
wife notices I'm gone!"