If Computer Error Messages Were Writen in Haiku...
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - -
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again
- - - - - - - - - -
The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
- - - - - - - - - -
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
- - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - -
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
- - - - - - - - - -
Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
- - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - -
Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.
- - - - - - - - - -
This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.
- - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
- - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - -
There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge
- - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
- - - - - - - - - -
To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
- - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - -
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
- - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - -
The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.
- - - - - - - - - -
Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
- - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
- - - - - - - - - -
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again
- - - - - - - - - -
The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
- - - - - - - - - -
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
- - - - - - - - - -
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
- - - - - - - - - -
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
- - - - - - - - - -
Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.
- - - - - - - - - -
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
- - - - - - - - - -
Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.
- - - - - - - - - -
This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.
- - - - - - - - - -
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
- - - - - - - - - -
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
- - - - - - - - - -
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
- - - - - - - - - -
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
- - - - - - - - - -
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist
- - - - - - - - - -
A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.
- - - - - - - - - -
There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge
- - - - - - - - - -
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
- - - - - - - - - -
To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
- - - - - - - - - -
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
- - - - - - - - - -
No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?
- - - - - - - - - -
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
- - - - - - - - - -
Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
- - - - - - - - - -
The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.
- - - - - - - - - -
Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
- - - - - - - - - -
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Related:
- Press Release From Sony:
Tokyo, Japan, March 31st - Sony has announced its own computer operating
system now available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio.
Instead of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows and DOS systems, Sony's chairman Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been-until now-an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony.... - Computer Haikus
Your file is that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chaos reigns within.... - GOING POSTAL
You've heard the recently coined slang phrase "Going Postal".
Here are some more examples, from the book "Jargon Watch", just published by Wired magazine.... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
< -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?... - LIFE IN THE SLAW LANE
by Kip Adotta
It was Cucumber the Fi
Summer was over. I had just spinached a long day and I was busheled.... - The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals.... - A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican are flying in a plane.
The pilot explains to her passengers that the plane is too heavy and in order to avoid an ugly crash, some weight needs to be removed from the plane.... - The Wizard of Zone
Once upon a time in Depression-era Kansas there was a little
black boy named Zachary X (pronounced "ex" not "ten") who lived
on a farm.
He was an orphan, a cheap device to garner your sympathy.... - Hi Folks,
The following is a little humour written by Tom Wade of EuroKom
and Eoin Meehan of Printech International plc.
We hope it lightens your day! Distribute or destroy at will!...
