Press Release From Sony:
Tokyo, Japan, March 31st - Sony has announced its own computer operating
system now available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio. Instead of
producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows
and DOS systems, Sony's chairman Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture the
high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been-until now-an
operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example, we
have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our
own Japanese haiku poetry."
The computer haiku messages are just as informative as Microsoft's and they
make you pause just long enough that you're able to fight the impulse to put
a fist through the screen. The chairman went on to give examples of Sony's
new error messages:
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
You seek a Web site.
It cannot be located.
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Stop, reflect, and reboot.
Order shall return.
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss.
The presence of absence.
"June Sales.doc" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao
Until you bring fresh toner.
Windows NT crashed.
The Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
You step in the stream
But the water has moved on.
Page not found.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you are seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
Tokyo, Japan, March 31st - Sony has announced its own computer operating
system now available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio. Instead of
producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows
and DOS systems, Sony's chairman Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture the
high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been-until now-an
operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony. For example, we
have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our
own Japanese haiku poetry."
The computer haiku messages are just as informative as Microsoft's and they
make you pause just long enough that you're able to fight the impulse to put
a fist through the screen. The chairman went on to give examples of Sony's
new error messages:
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
You seek a Web site.
It cannot be located.
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Stop, reflect, and reboot.
Order shall return.
ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
With searching comes loss.
The presence of absence.
"June Sales.doc" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao
Until you bring fresh toner.
Windows NT crashed.
The Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
You step in the stream
But the water has moved on.
Page not found.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you are seeking
Must now be retyped.
Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
Related:
- If Computer Error Messages Were Writen in Haiku...
Three things are certai
Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred.... - Computer Haikus
Your file is that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Chaos reigns within.... - The Wizard of Zone
Once upon a time in Depression-era Kansas there was a little
black boy named Zachary X (pronounced "ex" not "ten") who lived
on a farm.
He was an orphan, a cheap device to garner your sympathy.... - Lesser Languages The Copier Circuit
Basic, Fortran, Cobol
These programming languages are well known and (more or less) well loved throughout the computer industry.... - ENTER DATA, ENAMORATA
Back into the fray.
Thanks to all who sent along best wishes at the outset of my
vacation.
Now, as you rejoin the ranks and the column moves out into another fiscal front, let’s get those shoulders back, chests out, stomachs in and tongues in cheek.... - Murphy's Military Laws
1. You are not superman.
2. If it's stupid but works, it isnt stupid. 3.... - GOING POSTAL
You've heard the recently coined slang phrase "Going Postal".
Here are some more examples, from the book "Jargon Watch", just published by Wired magazine.... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
< -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
