Related:

• MY RESUME... My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned .
  .. couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax....
• I used to work in a bank,but then I lost interest. I used to be a lumberjack,but then I got the axe.
  I used to be a carpenter,but then I got bored. I used to be a tennis instructor,but it wasn't my racket....
• houses --- In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything.
  Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check....
• My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
  Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments....
• I used to have a shirt just like that..." &l
  pause for effusive thanks> "... then I got a job....
• Straight Out Of The Eighties... This will only make sense to those of us who had the dubious distinction of being children of the eighties, or listened to music on a regular basis.
  If you were "there", then you will understand.... I was working part time in a five and dime....
• I used to have a life, then I got an BOCA HST !
• cars and driving --- For a while I didn't have a car.
  .. I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running....
• I used to be disgusted, now I'm just amused.