Houses --- In My House There's This Light Switch That Doesn't Do Anything.

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--- houses ---

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything.
Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check.
Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut
it out."

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick
wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one
who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch
it... it feels real."

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms
above... so I never have to go upstairs.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the
flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and
took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was
lightning in my house.

All the plants in my house are dead -- I shot them last night.
I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

I have a microwave fireplace in my house... The other night I
laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...
If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on
your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater
real quick.

I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how
I got there.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was
in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they
weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the
neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get
out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house
with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it
around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over.
He asked where I lived. I said, "right here, officer". Later,
I parked it on the freeway, got out, and yelled at all the cars,
"Get out of my driveway!"

My house is on the median strip of a highway. You don't really
notice, except I have to leave the driveway doing 60 MPH.