Build an Ark
The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the
earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to
build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints
for the ark."
Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall.
Noah sat in his front yard, weeping.
"Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord.
"Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things happened.
"The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to change
them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an
ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience..
"The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state
animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals.
"The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood.
the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain.
"The IRS seized all my assets, claiming I was trying to avoid paying taxes
by leaving the country, and the Equal Opportunity Commission said I wasn't
hiring enough Croatians.
"I'm sorry, Lord, but I can't finish the ark for at least five years."
Suddenly the rain stopped, the skies cleared and the sun began to shine.
Noah looked up and said, "Lord, does this mean you're not going to devastate
the earth?"
"Right," said the Lord. "The government already has."
The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the
earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to
build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints
for the ark."
Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall.
Noah sat in his front yard, weeping.
"Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord.
"Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things happened.
"The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to change
them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an
ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience..
"The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state
animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals.
"The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood.
the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain.
"The IRS seized all my assets, claiming I was trying to avoid paying taxes
by leaving the country, and the Equal Opportunity Commission said I wasn't
hiring enough Croatians.
"I'm sorry, Lord, but I can't finish the ark for at least five years."
Suddenly the rain stopped, the skies cleared and the sun began to shine.
Noah looked up and said, "Lord, does this mean you're not going to devastate
the earth?"
"Right," said the Lord. "The government already has."
Related:
- When Noah was loading the animals on the ark, a pair of adders
came to the gangplank.
Noah said "I'm sorry, but I can only take animals... - Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to watmath!looking!funny .
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I... - A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the
bartender,
"I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend... - You know the story of Noah's Ark, of course. Well,
after the flood when the ark came to rest on Ararat... - The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah... - Letters to God from children"
Dear God,
In Sunday School they told us what You do.
Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane ... - The following are actual stories told by travel agents (and you
wonder why US citizens generally score less than the rest of the world on
geography).
I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart... - The Wizard of Zone
Once upon a time in Depression-era Kansas there was a little
black boy named Zachary X (pronounced "ex" not "ten") who lived
on a farm.
He was an orphan, a cheap device to garner your sympathy... - Federal Aviation Administration,
Washington, D.C.
Gentlemen:
I was asked to make a written statement concerning...
