This guy, see, was walkin' down the street sportin' two -

This guy, see, was walkin' down the street sportin' two -- not one, but
two -- black eyes; a coupla real shiners. He chanced upon his buddy
walkin' th' other way and they stopped to talk. "Hey buddy," sez his
buddy, "where'd'ja git them good lookin' shiners? Musta been a helluva
fight."

"Well actually I got them in church," sez he.

"Nowwaitaminnit," sez his buddy, "nobody gits black eyes in church!"

"I swear I did," sez he, "and here's how it happened.
We all got up to sing a hymn, you see, and the fat lady in front of me
got her dress all stuck up in the crack of her butt, so bein' as how I'm a
real gennulman an' all, well, I leaned forward and pulled it out for her.
And you know what? She just turned around, hauled off and slugged me one!"

"Well," sez his buddy after he can talk again, "that shore 'nuff explains
one of 'em. Howdja git th' other one?"

"Well," sez he, "like I said, I'm a gennulman, even when somebody does me
wrong, so when I saw she didn't like it like that, I stuck it back in."