Reasons It Took Me 20 Years To Win The Daytona 500
10. It took me 19 years to realize I had the emergency brake on.
9. Finally rotated and balanced my mustache.
8. Quit training with the Canadian snowboarding team.
7. Stopped letting my 300-pound cousin Ricky ride shotgun.
6. New strategy: pretend I'm Dave driving home on the Merritt
Parkway.
5. Who cares that it took me 20 years -- at least my name isn't
Dick Trickle.
4. Just figured out that if you mash the gas pedal all the way
down, the car takes off like a son-of-a-gun.
3. My new pit crew -- The Spice Girls.
2. This year whenever I passed somebody I gave them the finger.
1. My secret to success: one can of motor oil in my engine, one
can of motor oil in my pants!
