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• Signs Your Band Will Never Win a Grammy 16> Since name "U2" is taken, manager suggests "USuck.
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• Signs That You Won't Be Winning An Academy Award 10.
  Instead of "direct to video," your movie was released "direct to landfill" 9....
• Signs Your Wife Is Having An Affair With Santa Claus 10.
  She refers to your bed as "Santa's Workshop". 9....
• You've Seen 'Titanic' One Too Many Times 10. You keep asking your bus driver if there are enough lifeboats.
  9. You just released a rap album under the name "Ice Berg....
• Signs You're at a Bad McDonald's 10. Your "Quarter Pounder" has a long, thin tail.
  9. The kid serving you has grill marks on his forehead....
• YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF... A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception All your sentences begin with "what if" At Christma
  it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma Dilbert is your hero Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel People groan at the party when you pick out the music The blinking 12...
• What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... Chain Saw
  ( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off....
• You're Not Going to Win a Gold Medal 10. You're the only speed skater sponsored by Prozac.
  9. You break both ankles while lacing up your skates....
• Cool Things About Having An Affair With The President 10.
  At your request, nuclear launch code changed to "90210" 9....