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• DOG PROPERTY LAWS 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
  3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine....
• PROCRASTINATOR'S CREED 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
  2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses....
• READY-MADE RESOLUTIONS FOR INTERNETers - 1998 * Stop neglecting childre
  at least learn their names and birthdays. * Stop circulating the "Good Times Virus" and "Join the Crew" e-mail....
• How to Mess up a Job Interview Personnel executives of 100 major corporations were asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants.
  1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application....
• he CEO A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
  "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night....
• Really Important Stuff Kids Have Taught Me 1. It's more fun to color outside the lines.
  2. If you're gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch....
• Church Humor Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed
  "The Gate of Heaven". Below that was a small cardboard sign which read...
• One Liners Worth Remembering Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Eagles may soa
  but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I intend to live forever - so far, so good I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?...
• ODD SIGNS FROM ENGLAND 1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines.
  Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out....