10. Dying to show off how much he knows at the citizenship exam.
9. For 10th year in a row, lost Sexiest Canadian Alive to that
jerk Alan Thicke.
8. Became interested after playing U.S. Citizenship: the Home Game.
7. Risked everything to flee Canada's crushing Communist regime.
6. "What is...American tail?"
5. Finally admitted to himself he's just not that interested in
4. Canadian bacon -- neither crispy nor delicious; American bacon --
crispy and very delicious.
3. After you're sworn in as citizen, you get a free USA totebag.
2. Got into a little Jeopardy with a stripper in Toronto.
1. I'll take "Who gives a crap?" for a thousand.