Your Baseball Team Isn't Doing Well 15> Your owner is named Marge and it appears there *is

Your Baseball Team Isn't Doing Well

15> Your owner is named Marge and it appears there *is* a God.

14> Your team is a mile high and it's *not* the Rockies.

13> The only "team effort" being put forth is when players help
each other button their shirts over their beer guts.

12> Eccentric owner traded entire pitching staff for Mickey
Mantle rookie card.

11> Controversy over hitting with the skinny end of the bat vs.
the thick end of the bat still raging.

10> Infield continues to perform 7th-inning stretch "YMCA" all
the way through ninth inning.

9> Your TV games get outdrawn by "A Milli Vanilli Christmas,"
and it's still July.

8> Tatum O'Neal's arm is shot, Coach Buttermaker is passed out
drunk in the dugout, and Daryl Strawberry is... well, he's
Daryl Strawberry.

7> Billy Ray Cyrus has had more hits than your entire outfield.

6> You accidentally signed your 4-million dollar Japanese pitcher
without seeing him throw one ball.

5> Your pre-season strategy: Tighter uniforms!

4> Catcher afraid to look up after Harry Carey's had his third
beer.

3> Batting Coach Miyagi's unorthodox one-legged "Crane Stance"
proves somewhat ineffective against Randy Johnson's 100 MPH
fastball.

2> Your star hitter's been choking up on his bat too much, if
you know what I mean.


and the Number 1 Reason Your Baseball Team Isn't Doing Well...


1> Fans bring scissors and duct tape on "big foam finger day."


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