Signs That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple
15> Apple's stock fell only 25% last week.
14> Bill Gates's birthday now a paid holiday for Apple employees.
13> Default Mac startup sound changed to "Taps."
12> Wall Street brokers have stopped using Apple stock certificates
as toilet paper.
11> Apple's new slogan: "Almost as good as Windows!"
10> Apple has been bent over with its pants dropped for so long
now, even a geek like Bill Gates was bound to get lucky.
9> Cute rainbow-colored apple now inhabited by cute
rainbow-colored worm.
8> Microsoft comes out with an operating system incorporating Mac
technology... uh, wait a minute...
7> Phone and utilities mysteriously start working again at Apple's
corporate HQ.
6> Steve Jobs seen tending bar at the Gates' private lawn party.
5> Diners in Microsoft's staff cafeteria can now enjoy their apple
pie purely for its wholesome goodness and no longer as a
symbolic act of global domination.
4> Unsold Newtons used as cobblestones in Gates's driveway.
3> Apple Employee of the Month gets to hunt loose change at
Bill's house.
2> New Apple employee dress code includes large "Property of
B. Gates" tattoo on ass.
and the Number 1 Sign That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple...
1> Bill Gates still burned in effigy, but upper management no
longer attends.
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
15> Apple's stock fell only 25% last week.
14> Bill Gates's birthday now a paid holiday for Apple employees.
13> Default Mac startup sound changed to "Taps."
12> Wall Street brokers have stopped using Apple stock certificates
as toilet paper.
11> Apple's new slogan: "Almost as good as Windows!"
10> Apple has been bent over with its pants dropped for so long
now, even a geek like Bill Gates was bound to get lucky.
9> Cute rainbow-colored apple now inhabited by cute
rainbow-colored worm.
8> Microsoft comes out with an operating system incorporating Mac
technology... uh, wait a minute...
7> Phone and utilities mysteriously start working again at Apple's
corporate HQ.
6> Steve Jobs seen tending bar at the Gates' private lawn party.
5> Diners in Microsoft's staff cafeteria can now enjoy their apple
pie purely for its wholesome goodness and no longer as a
symbolic act of global domination.
4> Unsold Newtons used as cobblestones in Gates's driveway.
3> Apple Employee of the Month gets to hunt loose change at
Bill's house.
2> New Apple employee dress code includes large "Property of
B. Gates" tattoo on ass.
and the Number 1 Sign That Microsoft Owns Part of Apple...
1> Bill Gates still burned in effigy, but upper management no
longer attends.
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
Related:
- HAVE A MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except father's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping.... - What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)...
Chain Saw
( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off.... - The Top 15 Surprises in Bill Gates's New Mansion
15> Sign over king-sized bed declares, "Use of the Words 'micro'
and 'soft' strictly prohibited while in bedroom.
14> No paintings, but live artists actually hanging on the wall.... - Ways to Commit Suicide After the Stock Market Crash
16> Sit under Hong Kong Finance Minister's window.
Wait. 15> Rub together the two pennies you still have left to create a spark to ignite the alcohol vapors emanating from you.... - Various Nights Before Christmas...
A Microsoft Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As Papa did last minute Internet shopping.... - Signs of Trouble on the Fleetwood Mac Tour
15> Stevie Nicks's shawl now used for warmth, not fashion.
14> The Clintons leave early, feigning illness.... - DOS Users Anonymous
DOS Users Anonymous is a new 12-step group, patterned
after the 12 steps for recovery of Alcoholics Anonymous,
Overeaters Anonymous, Al-Anon Family Groups, etc.
The heart of the DOS Users Anonymous suggested program of personal recovery is contained in our Twelve Steps for Recovery.... - A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Texan, and a Mexican are flying in a plane.
The pilot explains to her passengers that the plane is too heavy and in order to avoid an ugly crash, some weight needs to be removed from the plane.... - AND NOW THEY LAUGH ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK.
1. "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.
5 tons." -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949 2....
