You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
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- click) "You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System.
Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded... - You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton. All our agents are busy undermining the governments of the Earth and cannot come to phone at the moment.
However, your name and number can be left at the tone... - beep, beep, beep>
The number you have reached,
Seven.
Six. Seven. One. Two. Three. Four. [Use your... - One voice: I didn't expect an answering machine.
Another voice:
Nobody expects an answrering machine. Our... - How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in-
Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt... - Dead Men Read No Mail
My father died on Jan 02, 1995.
He left no forwarding address. Therefore, it fell... - US Army Official Voice Mail Message
Thank you for calling the United States Army.
I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment... - I think I have one of these books. It is by George Heyduke (Hayduke?).
When I read it, I was practically overcome with mirth... - POLICIES AND PROCEDURES
MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES -
NEW COMPANY POLICIES:
SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE We will no longer accept...
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- Classical music in background,
slow stoned voice:) Don't you ever wonder what life... - Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter,
so if I were to pick up the phone right... - Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep.
If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tape... - Note the spelling in this one!] After the tone, please leave a massage-
my shoulders really could use it, and, what? You're... - For Shakespeare lovers only:) So long as phones can ring and eyes can see,
So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee...
