Calling Technical Support.... Ring... Ring... Ring.

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Calling Technical Support....
Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring...
Ring...Ring...Ring... Ring...
Thank you for calling Technical Support. All of our technicians are
currently busy helping people who are even less competent than you, so
please hold for the next available technician. The waiting time is now
estimated at between fifteen minutes and eternity.
In order to expedite your call, please punch your 58-digit product
identification number on to your telephone, followed by your product serial
number, which can be found in a secret compartment inside your computer
where, for security purposes, it is printed in the smallest typeface
possible to prevent being seen. Please note that you made need a size 11 3/4
torque screwdriver which may only be available from your original equipment
Do that NOW!
Thank you again for calling Technical Support. We recommend that you sit at
your computer, preferably turning it on at some point, and have at hand all
your floppy disks, CD-ROM disks, computer manuals and original packing
materials in order to allow the technician to aid you in the unlikely event
that he ever gets to your call.
If you were an inconsiderate jerk -- we mean forgetful customer -- and threw
away your original packing materials, please call the company that sent you
the computer and ask them to resend you the empty box with the plastic
bubbles, fake popcorn and the wasted paper advertising that they recycle. We
will hold your place in line on the phone while you wait for your boxes to
be delivered.
It would also be helpful for you to refrain from sobbing while explaining
your problem to the technician. Shouting obscene threats will cause you to
be immediately disconnected and blackballed from further communication with
Technical Support, not only from ours but that of every other
electronics-related firm in the industrialized world.
Thank you once again for calling Technical Support. In order to enable us to
better assist you, it would be helpful to know more about you and your
equipment. Have you called Technical Support before? If you have, please
press the numeral "one" on your telephone touch pad.
If not, press the numeral "two." If you are not sure, using the letters on
your touch pad, spell out the phrase: "I am confused and despondent and
quickly losing the will to live." Once you have finished, hang up your phone
and make arrangements to sell your computer because by the time the
technician takes your call, it will be obsolete, and you will be too senile
to use it anyway.