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• I hereby declare this day to be Snow Day, the funnest day in the history of Springfield!
  -- Diamond Joe Quimby, "Bart Gets an F...
• Bart: Hey Homer, I can't find the safety goggles for the power saw.
  Homer: If stuff starts flying, just turn your head! Bart: Oh. Check. -- "Saturdays of Thunde...
• Er, uh, well... eh, in light of these new facts, of which I now realize I was largely aware, I must take action.
  All in favor of demolishing our beloved burlesque house, raise your hands....
• Homer: Mr. Mayor, I hate to break it to you, but this town is infested by bears.
  Moe: Yeah, and these ones are smarter than the average bear....
• Okay, I'll throw in a <fourth> bottle, the applicator glove, and a state of Kansas jell-o mold.
  $29.95! [crowd goes wild] -- Dr. Nick Riviera hawks `Spiffy' on I Can't Believe They Invented It!...
• Mr. Plow, for making it possible for people to get where they're going without resorting to public transportation &l
  or> car-pooling, I give you the keys to the city. -- Diamond Joe Quimby, "Mr. Plow...
• Barlow: You know, there are three things we're never going to get rid of here in Springfield
  one, the bats in the public library -- [scene switch to man opening card catalog and screaming as bats fly out] -- two, Mrs....
• Ever since I called for the rescue of that Simpson lad, I have taken a lot of heat.
  So, I am flip-flopping! I say, let him stay down there!...
• Marge: Homer, could you turn off the TV? There's a little test I want you to take.
  TV: [crunch] Augh! Homer; Oh, great, you made me miss Joe Theismann!...